The Wings To Fly: Inspiring your Teens

Believe

Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste
There's so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside
And give your dreams the wings to fly
You have everything you need
If you just believe

Dream

Taken from the popular movie "Polar Express" this beautiful song sung by Josh Groban reminds us to never give up on our dreams. The New Year (2011) also reminds us that we have dreams to fulfill, goals to reach, and lives to inspire. As parents we must remember it is our job to not only reach our own goals, but to also help our children (our family) find, nurture, and renew their own dreams. ?

Inspire?

But inspiring teens and young adults to cultivate their dreams can be difficult. Many children reach for dreams that are instilled in them by parents or other family members, but not all. Some children come to us singing their own songs and dreaming their own dreams. As parents we must learn to inspire, encourage, and lead with finesse. We must learn to cultivate the magic and balance it with the reality of life. ?

Although I can inspire and encourage my teen, I have limitations as to what I can offer my child. If my child has a passion for boating and I have never owned a boat, it is difficult for me to teach them this skill. When he takes off for college, for a life of their own, I believe I should continue to support him but if he has not experienced all that he wants out of life it becomes his duty to seek it out. My job is to give my children a zest for all that life has to offer. My job is to give them values and morals that will act as a compass throughout their life. Life will teach them what I cannot.?

"Destinations are where we begin again"

Although this song and movie are traditionally associated with the Christmas holiday, I believe it fits nicely with a New Year theme. ?My favorite line is, "Destinations are where we begin again." ?As a parent, it reminds me that my goal is to see my children happy and to help them imagine their future and measure it against their past. If I can help them look forward to each new day then at the end of each day as they reach small destinations they will discover how to cultivate the hope of life. They will begin to seek out new destinations, new goals, and new opportunities that will help them cultivate the love of our family.?

Believe

When we teach our children to believe in something bigger than themselves they find within themselves the power to live. As the song so beautifully teaches we should help our children "believe in what their heart is saying and hear the melody its playing." Only then can we give them their "wings to fly."?

Believing cultivates faith and faith moves them forward into a new year filled with new experience and hope. Many will want to?reminisce over the past years victories or failures, but??Elder Jeffrey R. Holland cautions us, "The past is to be learned from but not lived in." ?It is important to help your child cultivate an attitude of?optimism by showing them what they have learned and how they can continue on their joyful journey.?

Personally I am excited for this new year. I am excited because as I write this I realize that I have never before been the mother of children who are at the particular age they are now (29, 28, 25, 23, 20, 13). Each ?of my children bring such renewed perspective to my life and teach me many wonderful lessons. Each of them have inspired me with their own ability to dream.?

As they do this they remind me of how like each new day, family gives me the renewal to continue parenting and co-leading our family. I am?excited?at the opportunity to inspire my own children to believe in themselves and in one another. I am excited because in doing so their joy is reflected back into my life.?

Parenting comes with many unexpected experiences. Part of parenting is helping your child gracefully balance their dreams with life's reality. ?Life has not always been what I would have expected it to be, but it can be all that I dream it to be if I will believe... in myself.. in my teen.. and in my family. For it is in family that dreams ultimately come true.?

Happy New Year! 2011 Believe!

How have your parents supported you as you reached for your dreams??

How do you believe you can inspire your teens, your young adults, your young children to set goals and achieve them??

Do goals have a greater purpose than to be merely reached??

How do you help your children define their goals??

??

by ?Linda Shaw?

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Family: the most important element. What Teens Want

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Sisters enjoying a moment of laughter

by Linda Shaw?

Family: The Most Important Element

What Teens Want

Gifts, styles, transportation, and the way we communicate all take on new modes, but feelings about families seem to remain constant. A recent poll from April of 2010 showed that 89 percent of those polled reacted positively to the term “family values”. Additionally in an October 2010 poll?76 percent of those polled responded to the statement: family represents “the most important element of my life.” Comparatively, only one percent of this poll responded that family was “not an important element of my life.”

Recently while visiting my own parents, I read a 1997 Readers Digest article entitled “What Teens Really Want,” by Rachel Wildavsky. 1022 teens between the ages of 16-18 were asked what they valued and their views on family. 76 percent believed their values were pretty much the same as their parents, and 96 percent expected to marry. When asked what they wanted out of life or what brought them the most satisfaction, 91 percent responded to “having a good marriage,” and 94 percent chose “raising healthy and happy children.” Other poll choices included: earning lots of money (28%), making a name for yourself (33%), being active in your community (38%), and having plenty of recreational time (42%).

As I read the article I was struck that even though times have changed, and parents are often overwhelmed by the societal empowerment of teens, teens still basically want to belong to family. They understand that family is not about a Hollywood ending where romance and fairy-tale endings make us walk away feeling wonderful, but questioning our own family reality. Nor does it need to be defined by material possessions, income, or even education. Family is about connecting with one another, no matter how hard times may be.

All families go through difficult times. ?Seventeen-year-old (in 1997) Jon Stokes of Dallas said that he learned a realistic lesson from his parents’ tenacious marriage. He said,

“Marriage isn’t all romance and lovey-dovey. You commit to staying through the bad times and you share your life. You think about your actions and you share your obligations.”

As the Christmas season wraps around me, I have been able to consider this “most important element” of my life. I am thankful for my teen -age son, and his older siblings. I am thankful for his love of tradition, and of how he seeks always to remind me to take time to create those “special moments.”
He has reminded me that Christmas isn’t about giving our teens what peer pressure demands of them or helping them keep abreast of the newest trends, it’s really about family and the emotional connections we make at this time of year.

Is it any wonder that Christianity began with a family, or that we associate the giving of gifts with family togetherness? Prophets have long proclaimed the importance of family and its role upon society. Is it any wonder that the Son of God chose to come to us, and to give us his example, through a family?

It is my wish that as the Christmas season draws itself around you, that you might understand the elemental love that families bring to all of us. That you won't worry about the many?inconsequential moments, but remember the most important element, to the most important moments of your life, those found within your family.

Merry Christmas.

Have you asked your teen what he values most?

Have you asked your teen about his values?

Source:
Roper Center for Public


Wildavsky, Rachel, and Nigel Holmes. "What Teens Really Want."?Readers Digest?(1997): 50-57. Print.c Opinion?75th Anniversary Edition?


Dreamstime

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The Music In Me: Musical Talent and Teens

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by Linda Shaw?

The Music in Me:? Musical Talent and Teens

Recently we had guests over for dinner and afterwards our son performed several piano pieces for them. (His favorite composer is Vince Guaraldi) Before it was over our guests were playing the infectious duet “Heart and Soul” with him and we were laughing and enjoying one another immensely.

Musical appreciation enriches our lives. ?So many children and well-intentioned parents start their children with music lessons, but very few follow through to their teen years and beyond. I often hear young adults lament, ?“I wish I had kept with my music lessons.”

So how do parents help develop their child’s musical talents? How do you keep teen that insists on quitting or not practicing, focused?

You might start by building your resolve through realizing the many benefits of musical education.

What are some of the benefits of musical training? Research has shown that Music Lessons can:?

• ·????? Help develop the brain in the areas of language and reasoning.
• ·????? Help students develop creativity and problem solving skills
• ·????? Improves SAT scores
• ·????? Help develop cultural compassion and empathy
• ·????? Improve a students quality of excellence and craftsmanship
• ·????? Teach the benefits of sustained effort and the benefits of hard work
• ·????? Help develop self-expression and increase self-esteem.
• ·????? Help develop teamwork skills and discipline.
• ·????? Help students conquer their fears and take risks
• ·????? Teach children how to perform well in a workplace environment.
• ·????? Prepare students with a life-marketable skill

?? ? ??

So with all these benefits, why can it be difficult to help your child realize their full potential? Over the past thirty years my husband and I have attended a few concerts. All but one of our "grown"children chose to keep music in their lives through high school, of those four all have either minimally continued their music education in college or have used their experience to supplement their incomes.?

How do you keep your teen in tune?

• ·????? Resolve - Expect that when they hit eleven or twelve, they are going to become defensive about how they spend their “free time.” Build your resolve to not give in. Your child at this age is too young to really know what they want? Insist they keep with it. They will thank you later.?
• ·????? Routine - Insist they make time for practice in the form of a daily routine. Our children practiced before school. It made for early mornings, but we enjoyed their early morning focus and they enjoyed the ability to relax after school. ( I took this idea from Linda and Richard Eyre's book Teaching Children Responsibility)??
• ·????? Resource - Network. Network. Network. Even if you have musical talents, as your child becomes a teen they are looking for other mentors, new musical avenues. Develop a good relationship with their teachers, other musicians, friends and other musical family members.
• ·????? Recitals- Insist on recitals and concerts.? Playing without a goal is like walking and never arriving. Or schedule them to play for church or other social gatherings.?
• ·????? Respond – When your child plays a piece of music make comments that are both instructive and supportive. Try not to nag or get into a power struggle.?
• ·????? Expose? – Enjoy many different kinds of music in your home. By exposing your child to the variety of musical genres you are giving him choice.? In our home, evening and bedtime were set aside for classical music, Sundays were gospel, and weekends we enjoyed country, jazz, and rock.
• ?? ? Have Fun?- Music can emote the frolic within us. I can still hear my husband chorusing through the house as he sang "Awake and Arise" to rouse the children from their weekend slumber.?
• ·????? Camps - Summer musical camps help teens connect with other teens both on a social and creative way. Teens need to identify with others that have similar talents and skills. It helps stretch their talent and creates a mild spirit of competition which helps to bring out their best.?
• ·????? Share - Music was meant to be shared with others. A good way to help them to excel and grow in their talent involves finding way to help the share their talent with others. Guests, family gatherings, church meetings, videos, Utube are just a few ideas.?
• ·????? Identify – Create ways to help your child identify music as part of their life. Photos with them and their instrument and family letters that describe their talents both help teens to identify and define themselves with music.
• ·????? Respect – Understand that they may not want to play a certain instrument. We insisted they play piano until 5^th grade because piano is such a good base for all other instruments. After 5^th grade if they wanted to explore other instruments this was fine. High school meant they were free to forego lessons for other activities.?
• ·????? Support – Attend as many of their recitals and performances as possible. If you play then play duets and trios with them.? Try to find music that bridges the generation differences and creates a bond between you. If you don't play try to invite guests to your house that do play. They will serve as mentors and role models for your teen.??

How do you encourage your child’s musical talent to blossom?

How do you help them keep that stick to it “ness” that is required for success?

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Tips for Buying Your Teen's First Car

An American rite of passage is the issuance of a driver’s license and the purchase of a teenager’s first car. To the young person in question, this is a crucial step along his or her social evolution path.

Like a bar mitzvah or debutante ball, this first set of wheels announces to the world that he or she has finally arrived! Whether they want them fast, hot, huge or sporty, the last thing many teens are thinking of is practicality.

But Mom and Dad have different priorities. At the top of their list are safety, reliability, and economy. Most often they are looking for low purchase, operation, and maintenance costs, and of course they can’t forget the terrifying specter of insurance!

No matter who’s footing the bill and making the big decisions, here are a few tips to help you through the emotional challenge of buying your teen’s first automobile:

As far as car prices, the first question is usually used vs. new. Older cars will almost always cost less up front, but issues of reliability and safety can offset some of that gain.

Here is an interesting compromise: consider last year’s leftover new cars that the dealer is dying to get off of his lot. These brand new cars with the latest safety equipment and full warranties often come with such attractive incentives these days that you could drive away in one for less than you would pay for something used. It’s worth checking into.

If that new car smell is not in your budget, then a used one is what you need. And there are some great deals out there if you are willing to take your time, do the homework, and investigate thoroughly. Along with independent dealers and individuals, government and repossessed car auctions are good places to look for that hidden gem.

Remember that most used cars don’t come with a warranty, so it’s best to have a car inspected by a reliable mechanic if possible. A CarFax or AutoCheck vehicle history report is also invaluable. For a nominal fee, you can demystify a vehicle’s past, exposing ownership, mileage, accident and service history, and much more.

When considering insurance, be sure to compare rate quotes from many different companies, using such sites as NetQuote.com. Keep in mind that luxury brand vehicles have higher insurance rates, as well as convertibles and sports coupes with oversized engines. Of course used cars are less expensive to insure and have lower personal property and sales taxes too.

Your teenager’s first choice might be a 1964 Ford truck or a brand new Porsche, but Consumer Reports lists Toyota and Honda as the top two brands for reliability, performance and resale value. Fuel efficiency is also a big consideration in long-term costs, and the Honda Civic and Toyota Corolla both boast outstanding mileage.

Whether you go for practicality, style, or both, this is a particularly good time in history to buy a car. With 0% APR loans and other incentives available, all systems are go for young Zachary or Camilla to acquire that long-awaited American dream that is a teenager’s first car. Look out world, here they come!
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Guest post by Elysabeth Teeko

Twitter: @Elysateek
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Image from freefoto.com

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Making Time for Teens

Making Time for Teens

There's a popular song by lyricist and songwriter Harry Chapin that points out how easily time slips past us. The last verse and chorus of this poem/song (see below) drives home a poignant family relation lesson; no matter how good our intentions our actions ply the greatest influence.

Cat's in the Cradle

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me

He'd grown up just like me

My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man on the moon

When you comin' home son?

I don't know when, but we'll get together then son

You know we'll have a good time then.

Why is it difficult to talk to your teens?

Teenagers, with their growing minds and curious natures are busy exploring their new social, intellectual, and emotional world. In their need to explore, they might begin to "push back" when parents attempt to connect with them. Parents often take this brush off as a mistaken cue to "let them be."

Parents who take them time to "ask" what the presumed brush off means often discover that they are not wanting to push parents away as much as they are wanting to define their own identity. Teenagers want parents in their lives. They may not announce it, but they do want parents to ask about their interests, their activities, and their goals. They want time to feel their parents love and see it in a personal way.

Creative Ways to tune into your teen.

• Leave messages on mirrors with dry erase board markers?
• Text them encouraging words at random times during the day
• Make efforts to arrange your schedule to be home when they arrive home?
• Include them in family discussions and let them feel apart of the solution.?
• Schedule activities together that interest your teen.
• Create family traditions of Monthly Movies, Weekly Wednesday, Terrific Tuesday dates, etc.?
• Post photos of you and your teen around your home?
• Leave notes of encouragement within their text books or game gear
• Attend their games, recitals, concerts, matches etc.?
• Play a game together.?
• Run a race together.?
• Plan a trip together.?
• Work on a common project (repairing a car, sewing a quilt)?
• Post a funny comic strip on the refrigerator that relates to their interests.
• Visit them at work (movie theatre, restaurant, store) etc.?
• Have a yearly school shopping trip tradition (away from your home town)

What other ways can you think of to connect with your teen?

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