The Development of Self-Esteem: Parenting Behaviours That Boost a Child's Self Worth

By: Dyan Eybergen, BA, RN

The development of self-esteem begins during infancy and is primarily built from positive interactions children have with their parents.

The development of a child's self-esteem unfolds with the perceptions of those closest to them (parents, siblings or caregivers) and then expands, as the child gets older, to outside the nuclear family. Children will internalize the feelings and experiences they encounter through these relationships and incorporate them into a definition of who they are. When they experience affirmative relationships, children will build confidence in their own merit as individual people.

It is imperative then, that parents, being the first point of relationship contact for a child, set the groundwork for the development of a healthy self-esteem. Parents can facilitate this process by exhibiting 4 basic behaviours to their children on a consistent basis.

Support for Children

Parents provide a safe haven for children where they come to express their dreams and aspirations, their fears and their failures and know that their parents will listen. It is a place of retreat when things go wrong. Children will know that their parents' "place" offers a supportive framework that they can lean on, gather strength and be encouraged to carry on.

Parents Empower Children

As children grow parents bestow onto them more and more autonomy and authorize a sense of independence. From learning to tie their own shoes to driving a car, parents instill confidence in their children to try new things and tackle chores and problems on their own. Parents recognize their children's strengths and highlight them so children begin to use their strengths to make decisions and choose career paths that are right for them.

Unconditional Love From Parents

Parents continue to demonstrate and communicate their adoration for their children, no matter what their children have done. Parents see their child’s mis-behaviour as opportunities for their child to learn and grow. Parents help misbehaved children learn from their mistakes, guide them to make amends for their wrong doing and help them to choose appropriate behaviours the next time.

Faith in a Child's Capabilities

Parents trust that their children will learn right from wrong. As their children grow, parents give them opportunities to exercise problem solving and negotiation skills. Parents set their children up for social and academic success based on individual character strengths and allow their children to make mistakes and learn from them. Parents communicate trust and belief in their children’s ability to succeed, right from learning to feed independently, to taking their first steps, to going off to university.

Through a consistent showing of these parenting behaviours, children get positive reinforcement of specific self-esteem attributes. Children who receive support are strengthened; those who are empowered feel encouraged; children who know unconditional love learn to love themselves and when children know that their parents have faith in them, they are fulfilled as a human beings.

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Building Your Teenage Daughter's Self-Esteem in an Image-Conscious Culture

I'll never forget what my mother made me do as a young teenager the first time I ever came home crying because I thought I was ugly and no one at school liked me. She stood me in front of the bathroom mirror and had me repeat, "I'm beautiful. I KNOW I'm beautiful. No one can convince me I'm not beautiful." The whole experience felt so silly that soon laughter was coming out of me instead of tears. I thought the whole idea was goofy. Little did I know how strong an influence these positive affirmations would have on my self-confidence and self-esteem the older I got.

My mother didn't technically come up with this idea on her own. In fact, a couple months prior, I came home from school recounting an incident I'd witnessed between a girl in my class and an older girl in the next grade up who I thought was the coolest of the cool. The older girl had overheard the younger girl bad-mouthing her on her looks. Confident in herself, the older girl approached the younger and said: "First of all, I KNOW I'm beautiful, so you can stop telling people I'm not. Secondly, it takes a really insecure person to put someone else down to make herself look better." After gawking at the incident and admiring the older girl's confidence, I told mom about the whole thing. Little did I know Mom would forever remember the incident and require me to compliment myself in the mirror any time in the future I ever expressed insecurity with my looks.

While my mother's technique for building self-esteem might not work for all teenage girls (after all, for some girls, it could lead to equally unhealthy arrogance), I believe positive affirmations can be a key part of building self-esteem in a teenage daughter. You can adapt your own, with examples being: "I am beautiful inside and out", "I have something to offer", or "I am confident and worthy of love."

Another way is to sit down and talk with your daughter about the importance of inner, spiritual beauty. This involves a serious discussion on how cultural and societal standards of beauty are not what make someone truly beautiful. True beauty, you can explain, is defined by one's actions, how one treats others, and by one's heart. A particularly fitting and timeless scripture that contrasts physical and spiritual beauty is 1 Peter 3:3-4, which can be used as a discussion point for people of faith.

Talking to your daughter about the magazines she reads is important. Many fashion magazines not only feature terrible celebrity role-models demonstrating that girls should dress "sexy" to get attention from guys, but many magazines also promote insecurity in teen girls by setting up paper-thin, airbrushed models caked with makeup as a standard for beauty. Explain to your daughter the difference between chasing an unrealistic and unattainable standard of beauty and taking care of her body for her overall health. (Also, here is a good youtube video you might consider showing your young girls about it)

Finally, it's important to explain to your daughter the difference between dressing attractively and dressing to attract. While your daughter's friends may be wearing skin-tight, low-cut or super short items of clothing, you can explain that girls wearing clothing like this attract the wrong kind of attention young guys who flock to these girls for their bodies, not their hearts and minds. Explain to your daughter that dressing like this does not reflect confidence but insecurity, because they believe that dressing provocatively is the only way to get noticed. Encourage your daughter to set herself apart through her achievements, her friendly personality and her kindness toward others, the marks of true beauty. (Also see a previous post here)

---------------------------------------------------------
This guest post is contributed by Kitty Holman, who writes on the topics of nursing schools. She welcomes your comments on this post or at her email Id: kitty.holman20@gmail.com

This entry passed through the Full-Text RSS service — if this is your content and you're reading it on someone else's site, please read our FAQ page at fivefilters.org/content-only/faq.php
Five Filters featured article: Beyond Hiroshima - The Non-Reporting of Falluja's Cancer Catastrophe.

View the original article here

The Development of Self-Esteem: Parenting Behaviours That Boost a Child's Self Worth

By: Dyan Eybergen, BA, RN

The development of self-esteem begins during infancy and is primarily built from positive interactions children have with their parents.

The development of a child's self-esteem unfolds with the perceptions of those closest to them (parents, siblings or caregivers) and then expands, as the child gets older, to outside the nuclear family. Children will internalize the feelings and experiences they encounter through these relationships and incorporate them into a definition of who they are. When they experience affirmative relationships, children will build confidence in their own merit as individual people.

It is imperative then, that parents, being the first point of relationship contact for a child, set the groundwork for the development of a healthy self-esteem. Parents can facilitate this process by exhibiting 4 basic behaviours to their children on a consistent basis.

Support for Children

Parents provide a safe haven for children where they come to express their dreams and aspirations, their fears and their failures and know that their parents will listen. It is a place of retreat when things go wrong. Children will know that their parents' "place" offers a supportive framework that they can lean on, gather strength and be encouraged to carry on.

Parents Empower Children

As children grow parents bestow onto them more and more autonomy and authorize a sense of independence. From learning to tie their own shoes to driving a car, parents instill confidence in their children to try new things and tackle chores and problems on their own. Parents recognize their children's strengths and highlight them so children begin to use their strengths to make decisions and choose career paths that are right for them.

Unconditional Love From Parents

Parents continue to demonstrate and communicate their adoration for their children, no matter what their children have done. Parents see their child’s mis-behaviour as opportunities for their child to learn and grow. Parents help misbehaved children learn from their mistakes, guide them to make amends for their wrong doing and help them to choose appropriate behaviours the next time.

Faith in a Child's Capabilities

Parents trust that their children will learn right from wrong. As their children grow, parents give them opportunities to exercise problem solving and negotiation skills. Parents set their children up for social and academic success based on individual character strengths and allow their children to make mistakes and learn from them. Parents communicate trust and belief in their children’s ability to succeed, right from learning to feed independently, to taking their first steps, to going off to university.

Through a consistent showing of these parenting behaviours, children get positive reinforcement of specific self-esteem attributes. Children who receive support are strengthened; those who are empowered feel encouraged; children who know unconditional love learn to love themselves and when children know that their parents have faith in them, they are fulfilled as a human beings.

This entry passed through the Full-Text RSS service — if this is your content and you're reading it on someone else's site, please read our FAQ page at fivefilters.org/content-only/faq.php
Five Filters featured article: Beyond Hiroshima - The Non-Reporting of Falluja's Cancer Catastrophe.

View the original article here

Building Your Teenage Daughter's Self-Esteem in an Image-Conscious Culture

I'll never forget what my mother made me do as a young teenager the first time I ever came home crying because I thought I was ugly and no one at school liked me. She stood me in front of the bathroom mirror and had me repeat, "I'm beautiful. I KNOW I'm beautiful. No one can convince me I'm not beautiful." The whole experience felt so silly that soon laughter was coming out of me instead of tears. I thought the whole idea was goofy. Little did I know how strong an influence these positive affirmations would have on my self-confidence and self-esteem the older I got.

My mother didn't technically come up with this idea on her own. In fact, a couple months prior, I came home from school recounting an incident I'd witnessed between a girl in my class and an older girl in the next grade up who I thought was the coolest of the cool. The older girl had overheard the younger girl bad-mouthing her on her looks. Confident in herself, the older girl approached the younger and said: "First of all, I KNOW I'm beautiful, so you can stop telling people I'm not. Secondly, it takes a really insecure person to put someone else down to make herself look better." After gawking at the incident and admiring the older girl's confidence, I told mom about the whole thing. Little did I know Mom would forever remember the incident and require me to compliment myself in the mirror any time in the future I ever expressed insecurity with my looks.

While my mother's technique for building self-esteem might not work for all teenage girls (after all, for some girls, it could lead to equally unhealthy arrogance), I believe positive affirmations can be a key part of building self-esteem in a teenage daughter. You can adapt your own, with examples being: "I am beautiful inside and out", "I have something to offer", or "I am confident and worthy of love."

Another way is to sit down and talk with your daughter about the importance of inner, spiritual beauty. This involves a serious discussion on how cultural and societal standards of beauty are not what make someone truly beautiful. True beauty, you can explain, is defined by one's actions, how one treats others, and by one's heart. A particularly fitting and timeless scripture that contrasts physical and spiritual beauty is 1 Peter 3:3-4, which can be used as a discussion point for people of faith.

Talking to your daughter about the magazines she reads is important. Many fashion magazines not only feature terrible celebrity role-models demonstrating that girls should dress "sexy" to get attention from guys, but many magazines also promote insecurity in teen girls by setting up paper-thin, airbrushed models caked with makeup as a standard for beauty. Explain to your daughter the difference between chasing an unrealistic and unattainable standard of beauty and taking care of her body for her overall health. (Also, here is a good youtube video you might consider showing your young girls about it)

Finally, it's important to explain to your daughter the difference between dressing attractively and dressing to attract. While your daughter's friends may be wearing skin-tight, low-cut or super short items of clothing, you can explain that girls wearing clothing like this attract the wrong kind of attention young guys who flock to these girls for their bodies, not their hearts and minds. Explain to your daughter that dressing like this does not reflect confidence but insecurity, because they believe that dressing provocatively is the only way to get noticed. Encourage your daughter to set herself apart through her achievements, her friendly personality and her kindness toward others, the marks of true beauty. (Also see a previous post here)

---------------------------------------------------------
This guest post is contributed by Kitty Holman, who writes on the topics of nursing schools. She welcomes your comments on this post or at her email Id: kitty.holman20@gmail.com

This entry passed through the Full-Text RSS service — if this is your content and you're reading it on someone else's site, please read our FAQ page at fivefilters.org/content-only/faq.php
Five Filters featured article: Beyond Hiroshima - The Non-Reporting of Falluja's Cancer Catastrophe.

View the original article here